Glorious and fat!

So as you all know (or maybe not) I recently had a baby.


Now obviously this massively changes your body in many ways. It goes through so many changes it can kind of make your head spin.

 I, personally loved my pregnant shape and I love my post partum shape but there’s one particular area that I struggle to love. You see just above my bum there’s this extra curve and I just wish sometimes that it wasn’t there. It ruins the line of dresses and often is the reason I wear longer cardigans or cover ups. When I lose weight it shrinks massively. When I gain weight (because both happen due to life...sometimes I’m busy I lose some weight sometimes I gain some weight) it becomes even more prominent.

I still, unfortunately, sometimes find myself comparing myself to girls with shapes like mine and wishing I just had a smooth back down to my bum. I always try to banish the thoughts but sometimes they get in.

Something I haven’t taked about much is my binge eating disorder. When I found body positivity I finally found myself for the first time in my life able to step away from diet culture. To stop obsessing about food and to maintain a fairly stable weight without trying.

When I was younger my family put me into a weekly clinic. I lost five stone rapidly over the space of a year and then left and gained it back. I was worse than ever before and for a good option of those two years was also bulimic. The clinic which recalled low calorie diets hadn't helped me develop "life skills to maintain a low weight" as it had claimed, it had just made me more obsessive and informed about calories and portions and made the obsession that much worse.

I got to my lowest weight and was so disillusioned by the fact that I wasn’t magically happy that I gained back all the weight plus more in two or years. I then found body positivity and actually started to hold a stable weight. Not on purpose but just because my new healthier mental attitude helped me to stop focusing on food and start focusing on loving my body as it was.

I know it doesn’t work this way for everyone but it helped me so much. When I got pregnant my diet changed without me having much of a choice. I pretty much didn’t eat for six months cause of sickness and then focused on just eating..no matter what my cravings were just so if actually be eating. And then I had Molly. I was so excited about being able to eat whatever again that I did just that. Whatever took my fancy I ate. I don’t weigh myself but I imagine I’ve gained weight the last six weeks. Not enough to be put of my size 26 range but definitely some. I didn’t care. As I said I go up and down within a certain range. However yesterday I looked in the mirror and saw the bump de bump had gotten bigger and my heart just dropped. I panicked a bit and I felt a massive loss of control about my body.

So much has been out of my control about my body that apparently this was the step too far. I felt old habits had crept back in and I noticed a binge pattern the last few weeks that gave me a fright. For my health and the sake of future pregnancies I have to try and lose some weight..I don't advocate weight loss or anything, you do you. But, despite having no desire to change my body it’s a fact of my life that I have to because of blood pressure. And I was worried I’d slipped back into an old pattern I didn’t like.

I do not restrict my diet by any means..I like to cook and bake and I eat what I want when I want it but I don’t want to slip into binge habits again because mentally it’s bad for me. But this isn’t about that although it seems to be. Last night I was angry and tetchy. I fought with Paul’s, got irrationally angry because the bread was gone stale, instead of eating a dinner I binged in bursts throughout the day and I stressed and panicked about my weight and health. And then I caught myself and I said “take a deep breath, relax and think about your body”. I thought about all that I loved about my body.

 My curves and my long legs and my bum and all the things I’ve learned to love over the last three years.. my gorgeous stomach and my perfect arms...my cellulite and my stretch marks. I look at my body most days and revel in the celebration that it is!

It created my beautiful baby..it carries me through life and it’s strong and sexy and as I thought these wonderful thoughts I started to think kindly on my back fat and how it’s all just part of my unique make up. It’s beautiful and it’s mine.  I felt the anxiety that had tightened it’s grip on my heart subside and I felt my love for my body outweigh any panic and my head slowly stepped away from food obsessing and I fell asleep happy.

I woke up with a new found love towards my bumps and lumps. I can’t guarantee I'll love it completely instantaneously but I felt so much kinder towards it and myself. Both food and weight have been controlling centres in my life for so long slipping back into panic mode can almost be like putting on some old, extremely worn, uncomfortable shoes but like shoes I can choose to put it back in the closet if I want. I don’t think I'll ever be able to escape it fully but I always have the comfort of loving my body to draw me back to solid ground.

Often people accuse fat people of trying to glorify obesity. I would like to point out that I, for one, am not out there trying to force feed my friends or tell them to gain weight. I just want to live in my body and be happy. That’s it. No master plan or dare I say, agenda, here.

 I’m trying to be glorious and obese not glorify it! And I would like to point out my psychological spiral here. I panicked about gaining weight and my reaction was to binge eat. I sat around all day obsessively thinking about food and going around in horrible circles so much that I was in a nightmare mood by the end of the night. When I sat back and thought lovingly about my body I relaxed and happily slipped out of binge eating habits. I can only attest for myself but I just feel that loving your body and feeling happy in your skin can’t be this bad thing that some people seem to feel it is, if and only if, you are fat
. As long as I’m not personally harming you I feel like maybe you should just let me be me and let me revel in my sexy, beautiful, strong, fat body and if you don’t like it..i really, really do not care! Not even a little bit, not even at all.

Velvet and leather

If you have been following me on insta you might have noticed I am a big fan of two particular things. Glitter and...velvet. If I could live each day in glitter and velvet then I would. In fact I think I might set about making that a reality if I can!

We all know January sales are fantastic and while I wasn't going over board in the sales I definitely snagged a few bargains, mainly from New Look.

I had been oogling this beautiful wine dress on New Looks website for weeks and when I saw it in my local store for €15 I knew I had to have it. I do feel like I should possibly have sized down as it has structured cups and they are slightly floating around up there..even with my ample ladies.

It's a beautiful skater style dress with a zip up back. It falls beautifully and is comfortable. I may see if I can remove the chicken cutlets because I feel they take away from the dress. The center cut has moulding and so does not collapse which is really useful!

As you can see it has great movement to it and I cannot wait to give it a spin!

I ordered the next item as a back up for New Years eve. Clothing disaster all round. I ordered this beautiful blue (velvet) wrap dress from asos and was eagerly awaiting it but realised way too late that something had gone wrong with the order and it was not going to get to me. This was on its way also but of course it did not arrive on time. Because why would it. But it did however arrive unlike the other one. Anyway I didn't get to wear it for that but I will be wearing it soon.

I feel like a boss bitch in this top and it is actually the first (but definitely not my last) peplum top. I love the drama of it all. This top is currently on sale on New Looks website for €11. How could you go wrong?

The pants I'm wearing are New Looks (can you tell I'm addicted) coated leather look pants. They are so comfortable. They are high waisted and I have been living in them for weeks. They are however still available on sale for €22.99. I will be straight up with you though. These babies are cracking. I love them but there are several areas that are threatening to peel. Also in the chub rub areas there is some coating that is lifting. So that is something to bear in mind.

So long story short if your looking to feel like a queen and velvet is your fabric of choice you won't got wrong swinging by New Looks sale section right now!

Happy shopping lovelies!

Affordable make up review -

I'm all about affordability and one of my favourite affordable make up brands is Make up Revolution. Their pallettes are bomb. I have five or six of them and about 30 more that I want to own!

I'm not 100% sure what the relationship is between Freedom make up or (especially after  testing this pallete) if their even is a relationship between the two..maybe I just assumed that because they're on the same stand in my local chemist!

I spent ages deliberating the other day about which pallette to pick up and ended up going for the Pro 12 Audacious 3 pallette from freedom make up. At €6 I didn't think I could go wrong. I did.

I was quite excited, they have good selection of other pallettes all for the same price and I was excited at the prospect of buying them all. I don't have a problem I swear. However while might try another (for the sake of thoroughness you understand) I doubt I will get a much different result.

For your money you do quite well. There are 12 fairly large sized pans in the pallette and that them works out at 50 cent a shadow. The pallette contains 3 mattes, 6 with a slight amount of shimmer and 3 foil shadows.

They swatched quite well but once I attempted to use them with a brush..that all changed. The pigmentation disappeared.  I might get some good of the shadows with some setting spray to make then more intense but I'll put it this way I won't be reaching for this pallette.

The eye look turned out OK in the end but I wasn't impressed and it was way more subtle than it should have been. It also took a lot of work to even get where I did in the end.

My advice would be add the extra €5 and pick up one of the make up revolution  pallettes. It will be worth it I promise.

Autumn is my damned favourite

Don't get me wrong I have loved my first summer comfortable enough with myself to wear body consider and go legs and arms out. I didn't quite get a chance to rock a bikini but I suppose it gives me something to look forward to next summer!

But I fricken love autumn. It's not as cold as winter but you get to bust out layers and scarves and comfy jumpers. This year has seen me build up a wardrobe of clothes that I've always wanted to wear and I am super excited for a new season and a whole new range of clothes to drive myself to bankruptcy with!

My first new obsession..jackets. As a big girl jacket shopping used to be a nightmare. And my parents did not help with that..they would constantly try to choose shapeless, boyish options to hide their shame. I remember trying on this beautiful fitted jacket one time and I loved it and my dad promptly told me it didn't suit but wouldn't say why.  My mam told me straight. It hit my bum in the wrong way and made it look massive apparently. I'm pretty sure I left with some ugly plain black jacket feeling thoroughly depressed. But that girl doesn't exist any more so let's not dwell..this year I shall be bang on trend. Of course I still have some restrictions. Unlike my friends I can't pop into penneys and pick something up and I am not made of money. So I need something fashionable and really really affordable.

My go to site for plus clothes is asos. It was the first site I shopped from and will always have a special place in my heart but I was thoroughly disappointed. Firstly nothing majorly popped for me. Yes I liked a lot but to be honest not as many as I thought I would.  And when I say affordable I mean I am not spending over forty quid on a jacket. I just don't have it. The sale items were good but again nothing nabbed me. There are some beautiful options, my favourite of which are below. But it was too steep for me to justify. So I went to me next stop. New Look.

1. Boyfriend Coat in Cocoon Fit - On Sale for €58.00/ 2. Boohoo plus Varsity Satin Bomber Jacket - On Sale for €24.00/ 3. New Look Plus Floral Bomber Jacket - €43.99/ 4. Misguided Plus Crushed Velvet Bomber - €46.67/ 5. New Look Embroidered Sateen Bomber Jacket - €46.65/ 6. Alice & You Winter Floral Bomber Jacket - €64.00/ 7. Daisy Street Plus Camo Utility Jacket With Pockets - €53.32/ 8. Asos Curve Ultimate Faux Leather Biker Jacket with Piped Detail - €64.00

I have more selections from asos however some of these are New Look jackets being sold through Asos as well as misguided and Boohoo jackets. In fact the leather jacket is the only one from the Asos Curve Range. I know this is kind of the point of Asos, however, I often find that the items are cheaper on the original sites themselves so its always worth checking the original site as well. Price wise these all range from €40 up to €65 and these are the lower priced ones that I chose. I don't see the point in adding in jackets that I would never buy myself because of the price!

And as usual recently New Look didn't disappoint. I loved every second jacket and almost snapped and impulsively bought, you know, all of them. The jackets, in my opinion, are more stand out and at forty euro on average they are way more in my price range. Obviously some of there's go higher but I felt like asos's average price was over €70 and New Looks was over €40.

1. Curves Blue Colour Block Sateen Bomber Jacket - €44.99/ 2. Curves Dark Green Sateen Bomber Jacket - €39.99/ 3.Curves Longline Bomber Jacket - €44.99/ 4. Curves Blue Borg Lined Denim Jacket - €39.99/ 5. Curves Velvet Bomber Jacket - €44.99

My favourites from New Look were kind of endless but I whittled them down.  Expect to see at least one of these in future hauls of mine! Can you tell I'm into this bomber fad that's about this season?

I love the fact that there were different options here and not just a lot of bombers. Also noteworthy is the fact that they are all under €45! That's a win in my books and I will definitely be purchasing some jackets from New Look this season.

I also had a look at Boohoo's website and was kind of shocked to find such a tiny selection of jackets. 

 Unfortunately I have the prices for these in £'s 1.Lilac/Grey Bomber - £15.00/ 2. Pink Bomber jacket - £15.00/ 3. Plus MA1 Black Bomber - £15.00/ 4. Plus Belted Shawl Collar Coat - £25.00

Obviously a big benefit here is price, even when converted to euros these would all be under €35. However I wasn't wowed by any in particular. That's not saying that for 20 quid I wouldn't pick up one of those bombers!

So that's my round up of my favorite plus size coats from those three websites. I know there are more websites but for us Irish and Uk girls these are some of the more accessible websites that don't have insane shipping costs!

Until next time!

Complete stop

So last weekend was our last weekend before we had to hand back our keys. It was one of many emotions but over all I was run off my feet and neither had the energy to get up and take pics or the time to blog.

Moving was a nightmare..at the end. Because myself and my boyfriend are the king and Queen of the procrastination nation. We had a whole month to do it and of course we were still there on thelast night at nine o clock.

At the moment I  also the poster child for Murphy's law at the moment. Last week I did in my hand and have it strapped up and this explains you absence all week. I tried to blog but unfortunately carpal tunnel syndrome slightly impedes typing.  So my hand was coming around and everything was on the up and up. It's not healed fully but at least I can type in my phone now!I couldn't even do that last week.

As I said things were looking good injury wise and then this weekend I somehow managed to stand on glass. So now I have a hand in a splint and a hobbily limp! I'm a walking disaster. But luckily a limp won't stop me writing. It does however impede walking around which is a pain but I'll live. 

I decided to give myself a break this morning and of course the sun put on a wonderful show. I'll see how I'm doing tomorrow but I'm hoping to get back into my swing then!

So there was a blip but I'll persevere! That's life anyway, as long as you get back on the horse that's all that matters!

Keep going wherever the adventure takes you!

And on the 7th day I was shrouded in mist.

I woke up this morning and knew I wasn't going to see a single sunray but I wiggled out to the car anyway, got all wrapped up and went down on to the beach. It was pretty wonderful I must admit. It seemed like only the 70 feet around me existed. It was with windy but quiet at the same time and I loved it.

I'm someone who loves solitude..however there is that small irrational fear that someone might murder me!hahaha!

I called it a day fairly quickly and went home to do some editing before my boyfriend got up.

For my outfit today I wore one of my favourite green shirts and some jeans and I was definitely channelling my boy self. I absolutely love the duality of waking up and putting on certain clothes and feeling either boyish or girlish. It means no day is ever the same!

I decided to wear pink lipstick which I think was a mistake..first and foremost I was having an "I have forgotten how to make up" day and I just couldn't get a tidy line . Secondly it just didn't feel right with my outfit. It was a clash of my boy/girl side. However as the day has gone on its kinda grown on me. I do think I should have gone for something vampy cause it would have made me feel like a boss bitch!  There's always tomorrow!

Adventure till the end people!

Day 6. My life is an explosion

Everything in my life is changing. Dramatically. Well maybe not that dramatically but after a year of relative stability I feel like everything is suddenly happening all at once. As it likes to do.

We have moved house and while we're so sad to leave our last place our new house is adorable and cosy and it makes it easier. My boyfriend just started a new job so all of a sudden we have this new schedule to keep. I have cut back my work hours and now after two years working with the same family I am moving on to a new job. My boyfriend has started a new online course and I am starting a new photography course next month. It's wonderful but it's hectic. My living room currently looks like a bomb and I can't find any of my clothes but I'm happy to have change.  I'm also rocking some very Halloween socks..anyone else as excited for Halloween as I am??

I have been loving blogging more these last few days and I hope to keep it up which is why I challenged myself to blog everyday for 30 days. So far I haven't always been bang on time but as I said life is pretty much eating/sleeping/moving at the moment. Adding in getting up at 6:30 to take pics every morning and you've got a recipe for a girl who falls asleep in the middle of star trek every.damn.evening. Honestly..someone rang my boyfriend at 9:40 pm last night and I'd already been asleep for half an hour!

So I did get up again this morning and something I'm realising is that each night I'm half tempted to turn off my alarm and just sleep in but each morning I'm waking before my alarm, alert and ready to go look at more clouds again. At least that's what it feels like! Of the five mornings I've done this there has been one proper sunrise! But it's a little insight into professional photographers lives..a very little one. You get all your gear..you get prepared and then the sun doesn't even put on a show. It's not all that frustrating so far though..I'd rather be out there then miss a beautiful sky!

I thought today was a repeat of the last few mornings and I was happily snapping on the beach. I had just decided it was time to go home when the sun decided to give me a wonderful treat. The clouds parted and the sun, already well on its journey through the sky lit up the whole world, or at least it felt like that to me. The mist over the sand dunes turned golden and ethereal and the waves were tipped with golden surf. It was breath taking. It was worth two dud mornings and more. I just stood there and marvelled at its gorgeousness and eventually I had to tear myself away..almost late to bring my boyfriend to work!

Today I wore some black shiny leggings that just wrecked my head all day. They were constantly slipping down and getting wrinkles in them that made my knees look elephant skin-ish. I'm also stepping away from my usual grey to wear...wait for it...black. or rather it used to be silver but life has taken away it's shimmer  (how sad) but it has now been transformed into a glittery black number so it's cool!

I chose a classic red lipstick to contrast my all black outfit and I remembering my original love was red lippy and thinking maybe I should purchase a few new ones! Any excuse to buy more make up eh?

Sit back and enjoy the adventure, it's well worth the ride!